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So, the other night, Hayden called to ask if I wanted to go out for dinner sometime this week. I said yes, because he's my brother, and well... he's my brother. Things got all sucked up in the busyness of the week, so I never got a chance to pick a day, so here I am, Sunday night and hoping he doesn't have plans, because I spent the entire afternoon cooking... "finger foods" for him. So here's hoping.

*dials Hayden's number, chewing his lip and hoping like Hell Hayden doesn't have plans, or that he's home*

Current Location:
the kitchen
Current Mood:
nervous nervous
Current Music:
Placebo
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Jesus fuck, what is wrong with me? The other night... when I went to meet up with hcexotixHayden, I was completely a different person. I'd really like to say that it was the alcohol, but I'd only managed a glass of scotch before hcexotixHayden came waltzing in, landing himself in my fucking lap. Whatever happened to personal space? Well, hcexotixHayden's never really had any concept of personal space, at least none that I've ever noticed. Which explains his choice of employment, but regardless!

I mean, a few joking comments about how I haven't been laid in a while somehow lead to me having some cute waiter fucking go down on me? In the middle of the club? And... and I fucking enjoyed it! Well, I'm a man. A blowjob is a blowjob, regardless of how good it was. But that's not the point. The point is, I'm not usually like that. I don't pay for sex. I don't let random strangers suck me off in a public venue. I don't pay random strangers to suck me off in a public venue while my brother watches.

And if that wasn't enough, I kissed him before I left. I fucking kissed my goddamned BROTHER!! I must be really fucked up, or sick, or both to do something like that. Bottom line? It can't ever happen again. I know that Hayden was just trying to get to me, but I've got to draw lines, and I'm drawing them.

*sighs* And I was so fucked up during my Wednesday morning appointment, and I could just see the accusations in tc_secSandra's eyes when I came in. And as much as I'd like to pretend that I don't care what she thinks - I do. Because she's a friend, and a collegue, and while I have no intention of moving our relationship forward in a romantic sense, I'd prefer it if she didn't completely hate me.
Current Location:
the office
Current Mood:
contemplative conflicted
Current Music:
silence
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I was down in Stanley Park today, going for a run along the sea wall. Boy, but do I love living in Vancouver during the summer. The heat is almost unbearable from time to time, but the weather and the view and the ocean are all worth it.

Gave hcexotixHayden a call last night. Was not surprised to, yet again, get his machine. I can never seem to get ahold of him, and with my work schedule, well... I'd be hard pressed to ever actually see my brother. Maybe I'll try again later. Maybe...

I'm looking forward to tomorrow, though. I love Mondays. I love that feeling of the beginning of a new week, the knowledge that there's something to keep my mind busy.

Speaking of which, I should probably make sure I've got everything together for tomorrow that I need. I'm sure Sandra will interrogate me tomorrow once I reach the office, but it never hurts to be prepared.
Current Location:
my condo living room
Current Mood:
energetic energized
Current Music:
Miles Davis
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